So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize