zippers are such a cool invention
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
