I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
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