i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Randomize
