just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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