So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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