Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Randomize
