using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Randomize
