the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
