if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
