I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I AM VODKA MAN
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Randomize