i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
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