you lied. pity sex is amazing.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
