You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
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