I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
