Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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