Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Randomize
