I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Randomize
