So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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