Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
