just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
It's rum buckets o'clock
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Randomize
