i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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