so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize