i think my tv is drunk
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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