Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Randomize
