sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
