We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Randomize
