after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
