I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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