I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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