Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
You had me at "let me see your balls"
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
