The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
