Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
You smell like stripper and shame
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
