I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Go christen that room with your naked body.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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