Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
