is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
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