This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
