Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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