i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
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Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
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You threw up with your ski mask on still.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
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