And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
