Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
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I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
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He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
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