Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
