i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
