I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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