she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
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