How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
