just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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