I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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