Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
