u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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