An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Randomize
