it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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