She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
