I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
