its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
He passed out mid-signature
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
