All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Randomize
