yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
