whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
